I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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