I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
