areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Randomize
