Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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