Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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