We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
