I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
