the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
