i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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