I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
