is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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