you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think I sprained my soul last night
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
