I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my shit smells like andre
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
