Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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