Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize