dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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