My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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