I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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