Rock
Scissors
Fuck
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
