New low: just hacked my moms facebook
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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