i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
