We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
