I cut my penus on the lid.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
