i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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