when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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