State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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