Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
