If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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