I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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