Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
