the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
