a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
