If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
