I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
