the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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