everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
