I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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