Can Purell be used as lube?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
