Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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