Dude my mom stole all your condoms
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you didnt know i had herpes?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
