dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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