Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
