Where is the hickey?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
