Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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