Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
