If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
