I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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