Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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