I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
