Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize