me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
