i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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