He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We named our party play list daddy issues
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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