it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Green mimosas i think yes
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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