who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize