how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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