my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i came on her dog
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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