I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
