Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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