Your dad touched me again.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
