marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
