This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
