i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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