I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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