listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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