So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
