no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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