upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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