Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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